And so he sat there on the front step as always. Right there on the porch like all the other days. Waiting for his dad to come home at eight. Only this time he will be late. the boy knows he is going to be late too. but he still sits there waiting like nothing is new. You see his dad isn’t coming home tonight. No this time cancer won the fight. Yet he feels as if he sits here then there is absolutely nothing to fear. The son acts like nothing has changed at all. Hoping soon his dad will send the usual call. Telling them he is simply running late. But sadly this is not his fate. It will be hard to move on for sure. the boy will ache down to his core. so for now he’ll just sit and wait. Hoping his dad is just running late
I use to think he was the one. But then I started to run. So then the next one came around. But I left him without a sound. I for sure thought the last guy was it. But I can’t remember why i fell one bit. Each one I had so much hope. But they just choked me with this rope. This rope around my neck called lies. Each one tightly bound together by guys. The ones who made me believe in my heart. Then let me watch it fall apart. So how do I know this time I’m right. I think this rope is getting tight. It’s hard to find the air. To find someone who actually cares. Someone who won’t just pull this rope some more. And watch me fall to the floor. I need to know I can trust the next one for sure. No way I can let my self walk out another door. But for now I’ll run and let this rips drag along. Showing the world all the men who did me wrong.
You could walk by them all and no one would know. Not sure they would believe it even if you show. They see the bruises but they think you were drunk. Little do they know you’re stepdad flung you off your top bunk. They see those blood shot eyes and think it’s the dope. But it’s actually all the crying you do at night to help you cope. They see the same old cloths from high school Because you haven’t grown. When really your ma takes your money to give to the dealer you hear on her phone. They see you working day and night to be that successful one. When really it’s a place away from home where you’re the ungrateful son. At school you’re that kid that goes to class and goes home day after day. At home you’re the kid who gets hit for anything you may or may not say.
They see a smile and hear you laugh sometimes in class or the halls. You wave to them in the grocery store, church and malls. You wave to keep the questions away. So they never know why you left that day. Because they see a happy kid who loves life. They don’t see the sad kid where reality cuts like a knife.
People assume so they don’t need to worry. But now this passed on kid is talked about by a jury. All those eyes that didn’t see him are now questioned today.
That kid that wasn’t so happy after all no longer has another day. So for once look past the mask and actually see someone.
Before their days hiding ends with a gun.
First you don’t know the anatomy of sex. Then the cooties come next. Soon enough it’s puberty’s rein. And they’re driving you insane. Now you can’t get enough. Your wearing makeup and buying cute stuff. Then you find the one. The chase is finally done. A few good years and he gives you the ring. Now you share just about everything. And to think cooties almost kept you away. You use to think he was gross one day. But now he’s everything to you. And your daughter has no clue. No clue that her day will come too. And she’ll surpass the cooties just like you. She’ll find her man one day. For now she’ll run away. Hide from the gross boys at school. Complain they’re all just tools
We’d sit here exactly at six every night. If you missed dinner Ma would put up a fight. We ate what she cooked an couldn’t complain. Her meatloaf or stew was always a pain. all six of us sat at this table every night. Dad to my left and mom to my right. A typical family thing to do. But now it’s something new. Now all the kids eat on the go. Our where abouts Dad doesn’t even know. Mom still cooks with hope we’ll come eat. But it’s just her and five empty seats. A family now split in two. dinner at six we no longer do
I ignore the meds each night.
I think I don’t need them to fight.
I believe I can do it on my own.
Just walk by the sticks and stones.
I can forget the past and move on.
All those haters are completely gone.
But are they really i say?
Can you show me how far away?
Because they’re in my head.
At night they haunt me in bed.
I cry myself to sleep here and there.
Punch a wall sometimes if you care.
I try to write and clear my mind.
But peace is getting hard to find.
I know I need the meds i do.
But you all need to see me cry too.
No one sees the pain in my eyes.
The smiles are all just lies.
Someone see me and help me today.
Make the monsters go far away.
Suddenly you got lost in the bottle.
You went full force on the throttle.
Full speed down the hill.
And all you ask for is a re-fill.
You fell down to the bar.
You never do get very far.
One sip and you were done.
And yeah it use to be fun.
But now it’s dark and it’s mean.
You started off as a young teen.
Now a man or supposed to be.
But a hopeless drunk is all I see.
Empty glass so you cause a scene.
It’s too bad you’re out of green.
But isn’t this where you flirt your way.
Tell them you’ll pay them the next day.
A face like yours they wouldn’t say no.
And that’s the reason whyb I had to go.
Bottom of the bottle is where you are.
Just a drunk living in a bar.