Pain is calling for help

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You don’t hear my tears on the other end of this phone.
You just hear my calm quiet tone.
You think I’m sniffing from allergies here.
But is actual pain my dear.
I am sad and I am not okay.
I’m alone and don’t know what to say.
I hide from help because of my past.
Their truths turned on me so fast.
Their lies broke me down.
Now trust can not be found.
So I sit here in sorrow on this call.
Aching, breaking, ready to fall.
And you are willing to let me cry.
You are willing to say goodbye.
Because I act strong I know.
I told you myself I was gonna go.
I was gonna hang up and cry.
But that is not me asking for goodbye.
No that is my way of asking for help from you. Because hiding pain is all I know how to do. Mercy must not be asked of me. Strength is all I must be. But everyone needs help sometime. That is why I am writing this rhyme. I am just sad and I am just mad. I don’t know what to do. But I know I want to talk to you.

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Can You See?

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I feel like they all know.
Yet i have nothing to show.
I don’t cry in front of anyone.
I don’t tell them that he won.
I feel like they can see through me.
A victim little girl is all they see.
I feel like everyone is starring.
Like my skin is the only thing I’m wearing.
The skin he touched without a yes.
The skin he made feel worthless.
Because he didn’t ask at all.
An easy drugged girl was all he saw.
Now every guy who touches me i cringe.
That night twist in my mind like a door hinge.
It’s been months since i felt the lips of another man.
Or even felt the comfort of holding their hand.
I only see you taking control of me.
And i feel like everyone can see.
I feel judge and powerless now.
What he did is wrong and fowl.
So i ask you all to look away.
You see.
I didn’t have a choice that day.

Fake Friends

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People will talk shit behind your back.
Honesty is something most people lack.
They seem true and honest at first.
And that’s what makes it even worst.
You devote your energy and heart.
Then they go and rip you apart.
You find out the truth out soon enough.
Seeing whose true suddenly gets tough.
You don’t know who to believe anymore.
Tonight you just cry on your kitchen floor.
Sipping wine trying to see what you did.
But it was their decency that they hid.
You did nothing wrong here.
Don’t you dare shed one more tear.
Move on from their games and smile.
Worry about yourself more for a while.

Stay strong

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I’m just lying here in bed thinking.
Wishing i was at the bar drinking.
I’m in my sweats in bed at nine.
I use to be in heels chugging wine.
Right now I’d be stumble on the street.
Instead i got fuzzy socks on my feet.
I’d be flirting with men to buy me food.
Most of the time I’m sweaty and rude.
But that’s the thing about old me.
Reality was something i didn’t want to see.
So i drank all night or i got high.    wouldn’t care if i brought home a girl or guy.
I just wanted the truth to stop hurting me.
And getting fucked up set me free.
But now i have to face myself.
Put the bullshit up on a shelf.
Time to be real and stay in.
I can let the addictions win.
I have to stay sober and fight.
But I’m thinking of the buzz tonight.
I’m thinking of that sweet high.
I’m on tinder swiping random guys.
I’m not so sure how strong i am.

Don’t Give up on me

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It’s use to be the bottles and pills.
I would cringe for another re-fill.
It was dark and it was bad.
An addiction they said i had.
But then one day i met you.
At first i didn’t know what to do.
You became my new addiction.
It was an instant connection.
You chased the bottles away.
Trashed my pills everyday.
You were good for me.
But the past is all i could see.
Soon enough you tasted my buzz.
Started trying to guess who i was.
The past crept back to me fast.
Can’t remember when i was sober last.
You tried to put up a fight.
But hope was no where in sight.
I was slipping from your hold.
And my heart was growing cold.
Baby can you get my high.
I’m too scared to say goodbye.
Save me from this hell im in.
Don’t let the drugs and alcohol win.
I miss the high you once gave me.
Happy with you is all i wish to be.
But this past keeps coming back.
The strength to fight i seem to lack.
So I’ll take another hit and pray.
Pray you fight for me and stay.

You Didn’t Deserve Me

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I see a future with out you.
Your games were all i knew.
But now i won’t fall for it.
No i took too many hits.
What was i doing back there?
You never really did care.
I should of ran a long time ago.
My pain now is all you have to show.
But I’m long gone now baby.
I don’t need anyone to save me.
I can make it on my own.
Don’t bother calling my phone.
My future is about me now.
So take your games and take a bow.
Turn around and never come back.
A heart was something you always lacked.
I’m picking mine up off the ground.
Don’t you dare come back around.
I’m moving on and I’m gonna be happy.
Nothing but Love will surround me.
I’m done with your games boy.
I’m not you’re stupid little toy.
I am beautiful, smart, and better than you.
You don’t deserve me. I should of knew.

Depression

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Depression does not discriminate.
It takes prisoners and brings the hate.
Tortures them day and night.
Never giving them a chance to fight.
It makes them feel broke inside.
All they want to do is hide.
Hide their fake smiles and let out a cry.
Punch a wall and maybe scream at the sky.
Depression does not care who you are.
If you are working, shopping or at a bar.
It does not care if you are having a great day.
It will just burn with everything you say.
Nothing will be right for you.
You’ll cry and won’t know what to do.
You’ll wake up with tear stains on your pillow.
Fake a smile for the day and no one will know.
It will turn the sunny days to shit.
You won’t have anything to hope for one bit.
You’ll drown in your thoughts alone.
Slowly turning your heart to stone.
Soon enough depression will win.
Eat your insides and cause you to sin.
Unless someone can notice the pain. Finally shed some light on this rain.
Depression takes all and does not care.
Someone step up and make this fight fair.
Show the prisoner they are okay.
And that depression is not aloud to stay.