It’s happy hour and your name pops up on my phone. You talk with such a giddy tone. I use to make you sound like that. We use to have late night chats. You tell me I’m pretty and how you want me so bad. I tell you to be safe and drink water but it makes you mad. We use to talk day and night my dear. Now you only call when you have a cold beer. It’s been four days now and all I got is a pic of alcohol. This isn’t the boy I use to call. I miss the one who’d play guitar over the phone. The one who’d call even if he wasn’t alone. Where is the southern charm I use to hear. That sweet sound is drowning in beer. I know life is hard and it helps to drink a lot. Responsibilities just fade shot after shot. But what if I wanted to help you and show I care. I just won’t fight for attention to be fair.
Sometimes I wonder why I still write.
Why I still feel lost in this world of mine.
I wonder what exactly is this fight.
Am I actually okay? And I even fine?
What am I doing here in this place?
Who is here for me to cherish for years?
What exactly am I up against in this race.
This race against time, hope and fears.
This is life and I am utterly lost.
This is life and I don’t know what to do.
Im broke because mistakes have a cost.
Where I may end up I have no clue.
I’m a mess and this is who I am.
I curse a lot and break things and I lie.
I have a fucked up life and don’t give a damn.
Everyone who comes close says goodbye.
But I am who I am and made it this far.
I accept myself for me and who I’ll be.
Whoever that possible be becomes one day.
If I’m rich and happy or sad in a local bar.
I will smile with hope and tell myself I’ll be okay.
Suddenly you don’t text back anymore. You don’t knock on my door.
I saw you just the other day.
Why couldn’t you just stay.
Why’d you have to go so soon my dear.
Life without you is my biggest fear.
I remember your laugh just right.
Your smile, how I’ll miss that sight.
You left your friends here son.
All those memories and all that fun.
They’re crying for you to Rest In Peace up there.
Our fondest memories of you we all share.
It won’t be easy with you gone.
I’ll think you from dusk to dawn.
Keep smiling up there though.
That was your best feature you know.
Smile down on us everyday and night.
In this god awful town you can be our light.
This shouldn’t have happened to you.
We all wish there was something we could do.
But people are ugly and hurt others here.
They start trouble and it’s always near.
But they take the good ones and run.
That game isn’t very fun.
They take our friends and family away.
Run and try to think of lies to say.
It’s not fair you know.
That you had to go.
Rest In Peace my friend.
This doesn’t feel the same anymore.
I feel like I’m just a bore.
A bothersome to you when I text.
But you still crave the sex.
The endless calls are now just snaps.
The excuses are work and naps.
You’re still cute and all.
But why am I staring at my wall?
Staring at it like it has answer for me.
Like what do I say now or what are we.
The calls faded and now the lust.
Your charm is fading away like rust.
Once so perfect and bright as the sun.
But now pieces rust away one by one.
It seems distance took a toll.
This connection isn’t quite whole.
The space between is growing once more.
We could be strangers like once before.
Suddenly I can walk in the dark.
This new building is mine.
I no longer hear sports bark.
I got this tattoo as a sign.
I’m finally sleeping at night.
This new chapter seems about right.
I was scared to move before.
Scared to walked out that door.
But this new life is inviting and warm.
Anything can happen each day.
Once in a while we get a storm.
But my dad is now here either way.
Change is hard I can tell you that.
It’s going to catch up on you.
You can’t run or hide under a hat.
You just have to accept what’s new.
I’m finally realizing it all now.
That I make the best of what I got.
We made through and I don’t know how.
But I’m glad my family had a second shot.
We may not be in the same house at night.
And sport may be up the sky.
But there is a good future in sight.
And no one is read to say goodbye.
So I’ll try and ignore the past in my head.
I’ll get use to this new home each day.
Tell my family I love them before bed.
And greet change in any single way.
I watched a boy fall for me.
But I told him we could never be.
He never left me though.
Even when I told him to go.
But I could not think of him and I.
I had my eye on another guy.
This guy was right and the one.
He seemed nice, caring, and fun.
But he never looked my way.
Never talked to me for a single day.
So now I want to apologize to you.
The boy who liked me. If only I knew.
Knew the pain of liking someone you can’t claim.
It hurts so much in this love sick game.
I’m sorry I never gave you a chance before.
Now both guys have walked out my door.
And I’m alone in this game tonight.
This love just isn’t right.
Suddenly you got lost in the bottle.
You went full force on the throttle.
Full speed down the hill.
And all you ask for is a re-fill.
You fell down to the bar.
You never do get very far.
One sip and you were done.
And yeah it use to be fun.
But now it’s dark and it’s mean.
You started off as a young teen.
Now a man or supposed to be.
But a hopeless drunk is all I see.
Empty glass so you cause a scene.
It’s too bad you’re out of green.
But isn’t this where you flirt your way.
Tell them you’ll pay them the next day.
A face like yours they wouldn’t say no.
And that’s the reason why I had to go.
Bottom of the bottle is where you are.
Just a drunk living in a bar.