Done writing

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I haven’t written in a while you see.

Because all my sorrows are finally free.

I am happy and i smile everyday.

No stress can get in my way.

There’s no need to write anymore.

No anger to release from my core.

No more hiding my feelings on the page.

Feeling like my happiness was locked in a cage.

I use to write to settle my mind.

To try and find a peace of mind.

But now i just hope i can keep the pencil down.

I hope the writing never come back around.

I pray to keep the happiness with me.

Blank pages ahead is all i want to see. 

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I want you

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I don’t just like you.
I crave every single part of you.
I want your messy hair hidden under a hat.
The skin decorated in amazing tats.
I want the muddy boots after a hard day.
The other side of the bed where you lay.
I want the drunk dancing on Friday nights.
Even all the future pointless fights.
Your smile in the morning next to me.
By your side is all i crave to see.
I want office jokes that never end.
The text messages you question to send.
The family and friends that are yours.
Even all your sorrows, pain, and soars.
The concert car rides when you sing.
I want the possibilities of anything
I crave an open heart and mind from you.
I crave every single part of you.

Jekyll and Hyde

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Why am i crying again?
I was just being a friend.
Why’d he call me a bitch too.
Blamed for something i didn’t do.
Telling me things i already know.
I have nothing but tears to show.
He’ll apologize a billion times though.
His genuine caring self will actually show.
But then hate and ignorance will come.
Making me feel weak, useless and numb.
My friend is bipolar and I’m here.
I tell him that happiness is near.
When it is i hide from his text.
Scared his rage will come out next.
You never know when it’s good or bad.
Never know if they’re happy or sad.
But i stay here and fight.
But I’m losing my hope tonight.
I can’t take the bad anymore.
His last chance walked out the door.
I can’t help him another day.
I’ve lost sight of what to say.
A disease took my friend from me.
Fighting on and off is all you’ll see.
I don’t think i can fight tonight.
I don’t see happiness in sight.
This time i need to put myself first.
Before this disease gets worst.
You can’t help everyone they all say.
A disease won’t apologize or wipe your tears away.

 

Pain is calling for help

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You don’t hear my tears on the other end of this phone.
You just hear my calm quiet tone.
You think I’m sniffing from allergies here.
But is actual pain my dear.
I am sad and I am not okay.
I’m alone and don’t know what to say.
I hide from help because of my past.
Their truths turned on me so fast.
Their lies broke me down.
Now trust can not be found.
So I sit here in sorrow on this call.
Aching, breaking, ready to fall.
And you are willing to let me cry.
You are willing to say goodbye.
Because I act strong I know.
I told you myself I was gonna go.
I was gonna hang up and cry.
But that is not me asking for goodbye.
No that is my way of asking for help from you. Because hiding pain is all I know how to do. Mercy must not be asked of me. Strength is all I must be. But everyone needs help sometime. That is why I am writing this rhyme. I am just sad and I am just mad. I don’t know what to do. But I know I want to talk to you.

Can You See?

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I feel like they all know.
Yet i have nothing to show.
I don’t cry in front of anyone.
I don’t tell them that he won.
I feel like they can see through me.
A victim little girl is all they see.
I feel like everyone is starring.
Like my skin is the only thing I’m wearing.
The skin he touched without a yes.
The skin he made feel worthless.
Because he didn’t ask at all.
An easy drugged girl was all he saw.
Now every guy who touches me i cringe.
That night twist in my mind like a door hinge.
It’s been months since i felt the lips of another man.
Or even felt the comfort of holding their hand.
I only see you taking control of me.
And i feel like everyone can see.
I feel judge and powerless now.
What he did is wrong and fowl.
So i ask you all to look away.
You see.
I didn’t have a choice that day.

Fake Friends

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People will talk shit behind your back.
Honesty is something most people lack.
They seem true and honest at first.
And that’s what makes it even worst.
You devote your energy and heart.
Then they go and rip you apart.
You find out the truth out soon enough.
Seeing whose true suddenly gets tough.
You don’t know who to believe anymore.
Tonight you just cry on your kitchen floor.
Sipping wine trying to see what you did.
But it was their decency that they hid.
You did nothing wrong here.
Don’t you dare shed one more tear.
Move on from their games and smile.
Worry about yourself more for a while.

Stay strong

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I’m just lying here in bed thinking.
Wishing i was at the bar drinking.
I’m in my sweats in bed at nine.
I use to be in heels chugging wine.
Right now I’d be stumble on the street.
Instead i got fuzzy socks on my feet.
I’d be flirting with men to buy me food.
Most of the time I’m sweaty and rude.
But that’s the thing about old me.
Reality was something i didn’t want to see.
So i drank all night or i got high.    wouldn’t care if i brought home a girl or guy.
I just wanted the truth to stop hurting me.
And getting fucked up set me free.
But now i have to face myself.
Put the bullshit up on a shelf.
Time to be real and stay in.
I can let the addictions win.
I have to stay sober and fight.
But I’m thinking of the buzz tonight.
I’m thinking of that sweet high.
I’m on tinder swiping random guys.
I’m not so sure how strong i am.