Tell Me why…

Someone tell me why it has to be this way.
Why I’m choking on the things I wanna say.
Tell me why I’m freaking broke as hell.
Why I can’t seem to shed this shell.
This shell of sorrow for myself.
I seem to have left my hope on a shelf.
Someone tell me why that boy made me fall.
Not sure if he even noticed me at all.
Why do I worry about others more.
And leave my feelings on the floor.
Tell me why I let myself cry.
Then ignore the pain and get high.
Tell me why I hide my pain at night.
Why I let the beer take my fight.
I’m giving up a little more each day.
Someone show me the fucking way.
Why do I fake a smile here and there.
Someone tell me why I fucking care.
Why I care what I look like at the bar.
Why I don’t try and buy a new car.
Why do I think I’m going anywhere.
Why I always change my hair.
Someone tell me why I’m writing this time.
My life sucks and so does this rhyme.
Someone tell me how to fight.
I think I’m losing it all tonight.

Change

I’m tired of my same old routine everyday.

It’s not fun always knowing what to say.

I feel as if I need a change about now.

But I’m not exactly sure how.

I got tired of my brown hair.

I cut it, but I don’t care.

I got tired of going to the bars every night.

Things just don’t seem right.

I’m tired of the boring people I see.

Hopeless conversations that surround me.

I have dreams and goals for myself.

But for now they just sit on a shelf.

I want to change that today.

I want to get up and fly away.

But sudden change can make people cry.

It can cause them to create lies.

Lies that protect them from the truth of me.

That I’m leaving them to be free.

Nothing can stay the same.

All except your name.

Change will happen and without your care.

Just invite it in if you dare.

 

 

 

 

she walked out

You just got up and left me without a sound.
Didn’t even leave a hint of a reason around.
I thought you had shit going on.
But now you’re just gone.
I thought you needed space for a while.
But that isn’t quite your style.
No you just Ignored my help and text.
Kept me wondering what you’ll say next.
But it was nothing and it still is nothing.
Not a text from you or a phone ring.
I chased after this friendship for a bit.
And you. You just gave up and quit.
I still don’t know why and I blame myself.
I put our memories up high on a shelf.
My best friend walked out on me.
And a good reason I can’t even see.
I’m tired of people walking out.
Someone tell me why I doubt.

Schiz

I ignore the meds each night.
I think I don’t need them to fight.
I believe I can do it on my own.
Just walk by the sticks and stones.
I can forget the past and move on.
All those haters are completely gone.
But are they really i say?
Can you show me how far away?
Because they’re in my head.
At night they haunt me in bed.
I cry myself to sleep here and there.
Punch a wall sometimes if you care.
I try to write and clear my mind.
But peace is getting hard to find.
I now I need the meds i do.
But you all need to see me cry too.
No one sees the pain in my eyes.
The smiles are all just lies.
Someone see me and help me today.
Make the monsters go far away.

I punched a wall before…

My knuckles ache to write this down. Tears roll down my face without a sound. Each word I regret it with the Pain I feel. Yet each word I believe helps me heal. I don’t know what I am doing anymore. I’m tired of picking myself up off the floor. I hope this is all a dream in my head. Or am I living a nightmare instead. It’s getting hard to breath with all the bullshit int he air. I’m just a kid here, how is this even fair. I thought a college and career would be a hard choice for me. But choosing between my family just knocks me to my knees. Such a decisions makes my heart ache. With these words I write, tears, and shakes. My knuckles are giving up on me as I write. Please don’t ask me anymore to fight. don’t ask me to ever chose. Because I’ll be the only one here to lose.

My battle

You’re sitting there staring into my eyes. You can see right through my lies.

Today has been a struggle for me. Tomorrow is all I wish to see.

Mama said from the beginning I’ll go far. So why am I still wishing on these stars?

Daddy said he’ll have to keep the guys away. But how come they turn from anything i say?

Everyone seems to have hope for me. Yet I’m here praying on my knees.

Only I can pave my own way. I have to believe in myself each day.

My best friend said I’ll ace that exam. Little did she know her words were a scam.

My sister said I look great in that skirt. But I know the alcohol was the flirt.

I know myself better than anyone. Yet why do I look down and see a gun?

Why do I look in the mirror scared? Or feel like my own hope is teared?

I know this life is my own battle to fight. But I seem to be giving up on this night.

Depression

Depression does not discriminate.
It takes prisoners and brings the hate.
Tortures them day and night.
Never giving them a chance to fight.
It makes them feel broke inside.
All they want to do is hide.
Hide their fake smiles and let out a cry.
Punch a wall and maybe scream at the sky.
Depression does not care who you are.
If you are working, shopping or at a bar.
It does not care if you are having a great day.
It will just burn with everything you say.
Nothing will be right for you.
You’ll cry and won’t know what to do.
You’ll wake up with tear stains on your pillow.
Fake a smile for the day and no one will know.
It will turn the sunny days to shit.
You won’t have anything to hope for one bit.
You’ll drown in your thoughts alone.
Slowly turning your heart to stone.
Soon enough depression will win.
Eat your insides and cause you to sin.
Unless someone can notice the pain. Finally shed some light on this rain.
Depression takes all and does not care.
Someone step up and make this fight fair.
Show the prisoner they are okay.
And that depression is not aloud to stay.